I am an audiological processor. When my brain latches on to an image or an idea it immediately starts turning it into words. I think through those concepts best when I talk them through. I edit my own work best when it’s read out loud.
So as you can imagine training my brain to simply “be” with an image or idea without putting it into words is an ongoing struggle. Mastering the ability to just exist in a moment without analyzing it is tough when the way I process most experience is to, in effect, explain it. What usually happens is I end up with a kind of stream of conscious style labeling. Each sensory experience gets a word or series of words that create meaning for just that moment, but would have no explanatory value to anyone else.
“Warm, green, fresh,” might represent the scent of basil from the garden or the feeling of grass against my bare leg or the flavor of pesto-covered chicken. The words cannot convey the concrete experience only allude to it in vague ways that don’t recreate it for anyone other than myself.
What happens, a least for the posts I’ve done so far is I recognize, “Oh, what a lovely mindful interlude!” And then I deconstruct it verbally so as to be able to write about it in a way that recreates it for a reader. This is fine, and I hope it brings value to those who read about it later.
But I keep running into a snag. The moment I realize that I am “in the moment” my audiological brain interrupts and exclaims, “Wonderful! How shall we blog about this?” Rendering the mindful micro-moment moot.
It has forced me to implement a policy that is taking significant adjustment. If I find myself thinking about how to lay out a blog post or the best turn of phrase to describe a meditative episode then I’m not allowed to blog about it.
The number of walks, hikes, and sensory experiences that I’ve had to lay aside as being only for myself now, since I couldn’t preserve them mindfully, in the last two weeks is easily a baker’s dozen.
And it’s essential if I want to become a mindful individual rather than a content chaser. I love blogging about the minutes I can spend fully immersed in the now. It allows me to live them twice over and craft language to convey the salient details that make rich writing possible in the first place. But if I can’t promise myself that the first experience will be a cognizant, living, vital transformation of my brain and spirit, then I can’t give it authentic expression later.
So what I can promise you, dear readers and friends, is that when you see the heading Mindfulness Moment, it is just that. A moment where I felt myself tuned in and simultaneously tuned out. Rather than scrambling to make something consumable, I was purely present, taking in what those seconds ticking by had to offer.
And then I can impart it to you sincerely, as a gift, because I know it was mine to give in the first place.