Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets

Hey, not only did Anika Go to the Movies, but I’m blogging about it. Cool.



Stars: 3.8/5

Quick review: Definitely PG-13. I would feel a bit uncomfortable with my kiddos sitting next to me regardless of age- Rhiana’s scene featured in the trailer in particular. But gorgeous!! And if you are one of those people who will be miserable because the science in this sci-fi is all wrong, maybe it’s not for you. Things blow up yet remain space worthy, that kind of thing. But if you can just romp along for the ride, if you liked Fifth Element and you’ve kinda been waiting for something as tongue-in-cheek, but still deliciously sic-fi, this is right in your wheelhouse. Go see it-nnooowww!

And now for some spoiler-y things.

Look away if you’re squeamish.

They gone? Good.

So many shiny things. So. Many. The visuals on this piece are worth the price of a matinee ticket alone. Add in some of the trademark Beeson bits: Plot line you have all the questions for and few of the answers, all the fun covert agent stuff-contacts, drop points, holding folk at gun point, big shoot outs, and that lingering sense of bad is coming and there’s nothing you can do about it but wait. That pushes it to date night heights. Also I want a Mul converter. I want one. Not for it’s duplicating properties, but for it squee- delightfulness. It’s like having a baby dragon that never starts breathing fire or eating meats. Duplicating what it eats is just a bonus. Here little converter, have some silver, then to finish, we’ll snuggle.

Draw backs: I don’t buy the love story. Not even a little bit. i mean i get that the actors are 30 and 25 respectively, but for most actors that means they are still playing teenagers. Well, they look the part. If you were to tell me that Dane Deehan (Valerian) was actually 15, I would believe you. Conversely, if you’ were to say that Cara Delevingne was 30 I would buy that. And the chemistry just, isn’t. Granted this is Dane’s first time as a romantic lead (that I know of). But do i believe for one second that he has any feelings for her? Nope. Do I believe she has feelings for him. Yeah, kinda, cause she’s a good actress. But why the character would be into a pasty, short (5’8″), arrogant, dingbat who totally falls through in most instances… still no clue. Laureline, you can do better, honey.

Rhianna though. Wow, just wow. i mean I like her voice, especially when she is singing things I can listen to in the car with my kids (*cough* almostnever*cough*), but I am finding I enjoy her more and more on stage. Her voicing of Tip from Home was so much fun, and here she just slays it. Perfectly vulnerable, yet complicated. About halfway through her risqué performance I started thinking, Valerian is the worst boyfriend ever. His girl is gonna get eaten and he’s about to get a lap dance. One more reason for L to dump it to Krumpit. Seriously who does that? i mean, yeah you need the shape-shifter’s help, but interrupt the preening to get on with the rescue please. Her the-artist-dies moment, another Beeson hallmark, was great– if a little rushed. But she’s still a highlight.

And the plot was a hot mess. All kinds of random diversions, but in the end it came together and Clive Owen got punched in the face. Let’s face it we all kinda want to punch Clive Owen. So it was cathartic.

The themes in the end: innocent people who are truly one with the land are so much more virtuous than their evil, war fighting human enemies- look they even forgave them completely. Yeah, more than a little heavy handed. Humans are hate mongers, except the few that pass the peace pipe and give back what they took- we get it guys.  And you can walk away from the movie with whatever lesson you like, really, but to me it’s just an illustration of how bad an idea consolidated power is, no matter who holds it. It could have been more nuanced, but then the movie would have been four hours long and I could never have found a babysitter.

And even though you don’t want to care about the love story, ’cause meh, the fact that they get together in the end is really satisfying.

If you were one of those wacky folks that “got” the Fifth Element, this will be good times. If not, then you probably should carry on with whatever currently occupies your time. For me, it was just what I wanted it to be, a far flung romp through the universe that didn’t take itself too seriously.

If you go see it, comment below and tell me what you thought! Giant pearl ring FTW, am I right?


Anika Goes to the Movies: Mr. Holmes

I know I have been absent and neglectful of this blog. I am sorry. I am not so faithful a blogger as I would like to be. But how about this, I tell you about my rather lovely date night movie and promise to catch you all up on my comings and goings for the summer in a series called, What I did instead of blog?” Sound good? Excellent, here we go, then!


What do you get when you put Laura Linney, Sir Ian McKellen, and an adorable new actor named Milo in a post WWII period piece about a retired Sherlock Holmes? BEST. STORYTELLING. EVER.

Okay, the Quick rating for Mr Holmes: 4.8/5.0 stars- Go see it! Now. No, seriously, stop reading this post and go watch Sir Ian doing Sherlock Holmes losing his memory. Then come back and we chat.

Mitch Cullin (the writer of the original novel, A Slight Trick of the Mind, which now I must read) and Jeffery Hatcher (the screen writer) have much to be proud of. This piece is the definitive proof that good storytelling does not need sex or graphic violence or foul language. Those are the crutches of the limping writer who does not know their characters or have the necessary drama in plot and character to carry a full novel. When the story is good, really good, all that other stuff would just get in the way.  This was lovely. I actually gasped twice (but then, I’m kind of a drama queen in the right circumstances, so take that as you will).

The acting is just, I mean, look at those names. It is a rare thing to see Laura Linney or Sir Ian botch something they are in, and they do not disappoint. The tension and the motivations and the give and take are just so great. And the kid, Milo Parker, he is darling. So stinking cute!! And he has some real skill. I hope he turns out to be one of those  child actors that takes it slow, keeps his head on his shoulders, and continues to turn out excellent work for years to come.

So spoilers, kinda. This is not the fast paced Holmes of the modern Cumberbatch and Downey Jr. persuasion. This is a methodical, well paced character piece. Don’t get me wrong, mystery and intrigue abound, and you do find yourself asking the right questions in all the right places, but this is not a fast paced adventure. So don’t go expecting one or you will be disappointed. This is about who Holmes is and what his life of crime solving and isolation have done to him in the twilight of his life. He is realizing that his legacy will mostly be remembered in the fictionalizations of Dr. Watson and grappling with the knowledge that he is losing his memory and that his retirement was more than a function of age, but the result of a massive miscalculation on his part. A forced exile of sorts.

If I had a gripe to make it would be that they didn’t take full advantage of the cinematographic opportunities of filming in East Sussex and Kent, so so lovely. And also the whole wasp v. bee thing is a bit heavy handed (granted this thing is rated PG so I suspect they are trying to target a younger audience, but still, kids aren’t dumb either). The role it plays later on is not a shock, the way it is revealed it shocking to be sure, but the idea was so heavily laid on throughout the film that there was hardly any guesswork involved. Maybe that was intentional so that the mystery didn’t overtake the personal drama. It was a choice, I could have done without it. Whatevs.

Anyway, this was wonderful, well worth the $20.00 for a night out with the hubby. And it prompted some conversations between us afterward that I enjoyed. We have decided that someone needs to write a story involving the flashbacks of an older man to his younger days in which Benedict Cumberbatch plays the younger Sir Ian. YOU GOT THAT HOLLYWOOD?! Let’s make this happen.

All right, well, I will see you soon with tales of the exploits that kept me from posting here, but frankly, my twitter feed was pretty good, so I don’t feel too bad.

See you soon,